Out of the country and into our minds...

So we have been in our mid semester exams times. Also, me and a group of friends left to go to Brussels and Amsterdam this weekend. The cities were beautiful and very different than Madrid. But we did not know French so Brussels was a bit confusing but thankfully we got a lot of help with our hostels. Amsterdam was simpler because everyone spoke English. It was funny because immediately when we got to the country we all started responding to people in Spanish because we were like foreign language - spanish! Just something we were used to. The architecture and tone of Belgium and Holland were really cool, very old and narrow buildings built into one another, never fitting exactly. I think I loved the sits in Amsterdam better but Brussels seemed very modern but still proud of its royal and older side. The Plaza in the middle of the city with all the gold tinted buildings were amazing and the canals in Amsterdam were breathtaking as well. We saw some churches, both new and ruins (under the new one) with rich history from WWII (which is cool to think about the difference of influence in that time with Spain) and enjoyed the frites and mussels. I bought some antique lace, something Brussels is known for, gold plated into a necklace pendent. It is beautiful and hopefully something I will cherish for a long time. When we got to Amsterdam we immediately went to the redlight district as we wanted to see it before it got too dark... It was what I expected except I did not realize that the "red lights" where actual like red lights above the doors to let people know what was up. Some of the women were very young and beautiful while others not so much. It was fine during then and not as sad as I would have thought I would feel - not that I'm condoning this! It was just like hello...its 2013 these women know what they're doing and they did not look strung out and scary. It was kind of awkward to watch guys come out or to walk past the windows with curtains drawn. I'm sure it would have been an entirely different scene at night. Then we enjoyed some of Amsterdam's other attractions and walked through the beautiful lit up canals in the snow until we enjoyed crepes and saw Anne Frank's house. It was very real when we were there. You hear about the holocaust, you study it and watch countless movies and see terrible pictures but to be in her house and see how they had to make a secret apartment closed off from sun was very awakening. Anne was a very aware and driven young girl. She knew her situation and wanted to capitalize on her dream of being a writer. It happened in unfortunate circumstances, but its amazing to see how her legend lived on. Then we had a distasterous trip back when our train broke down in the Belgian countryside and we ended up missing our plane home which severely ruined this week of midterms and exams for me. BUT! I am going to Paris with Catie this weekend Friday to Sunday and I think that will be amazing. I have been on an internship hunt this summer which has proven very difficult but with all the positions I found for post grads I think it would be a great idea for me to learn French this year. Some people I have talked to said not to learn another language while you are already learning one but I really want to get started on more languages. We shall see how it goes. I have been enjoying work a lot too. It's just simple tasks but its a good way to get exposed and experienced on little things I don't even realize I'm doing, and hey these things add up right? I am currently the only intern/other worker not on the payroll and I don't mind. My days are quiet but more responsibility is entrusted on me which is nice. I keep thinking back to my linguistics and global studies 201 class about how ESL speakers in the US sometimes are immediately assumed to be stupid just because English is not their first language and I can most definitely relate here. It's amazing. And I feel like i really hit a wall with my language. Some days are better than none and being in French/Dutch all weekend definitely disconnected my Spanish a bit because all of us spoke English to each other (often in British accents for kicks...) but I want to start the movement of only speaking in Spanish to my friends. I know it will be annoying but that kind of exposure is especially important when we're in the "full immersion" kind of experience. It annoys me when professors use English even. Or when co workers see I'm struggling with something and they tell me to just say it in English because almost everyone I meet here is like OH! Let me practice my English with you! And I'm like great... sure it makes me feel valued but its value of a skill I was basically blind to learning, and lets be honest I am not the best English speaker around either haha. But the journey shall continue, it's almost two months here which is absurd. At times I feel so overwhelmed by excitment that I'm here but at the same time it is not all that I dreamed of. I feel like if I'm ever having moments of unhappiness or a blah day its a sin and I should be sent back to the US immediately with a giant slap in the face. I know its amazing I'm here but I think it will also be different to experience abroad living as an adult. But that's also why I should be happy. Sure I have no money, but I don't have any real responsibilities either and that I should be thankful for. For being young and doing stupid things. Which I need to start doing more too. I don't know why something isn't completely clicking but every time I think about being home this summer and not living here I get sad so I know I love it. I do love it. And I love the feeling of independence that I have in this city and the feeling of freedom and exploration. The only thing holding me back in money, human necessities (like sleep), and missing people at home. But if I come to terms with me being broke then hopefully that should pass, maybe I can invest in more energy drinks and as for missing people at home that will not get easier. I hadn't talked to my mom in a while and then last night she Facetimed me for like a second and I lost it. I'm the type of person where sure I'll miss you but until I hear your voice I'll be fine, when I hear the voice all the hidden missing feelings rush back and I lose it. Anyways I'm at work lol so I should get to blogging about the AULA (Education Fair) we had last week. As my boss signs off in his emails: Bread, Love and Dreams. (typical Spaniard...)

febrero!

It's been awhile! Well the first month has had its ups and downs here. I would say I have days where I want to rip my hair out because no one understands me and I can't get my point across or something can immediately tell I speak English or whatever. They don't call it a language barrier for nothing. I have a LOT more appreciation for immigrants in the US now. It is a struggle but I keep telling myself I am learning more every day. I think my Spanish is getting smoother and quicker with sentences but I feel like my grammar is almost going down the drain haha, I don't know it's different every day. Traveling is a struggle to plan. SO stressful. It's been a really big strain on me to go the places I want to go but also to please everyone that I came here with and met here. Everyone has different agendas and preferences but I'm just trying to please everyone and it is taking a toll on my stability. Work and classes are okay too. Midterms are coming up. I enjoy all my classes because I do feel like I am learning a lot about the culture and my professors are all very interesting and mostly engaging. It is a struggle to fully indulged in the books and movies and colloquial language however because I do not understand every completely yet you know? It's like walking in on an inside joke and you know what the words are saying but you really don't completely understand why it's funny. Work has been a little up and down too. I really like the younger girls that I work with, one is from Germany and one from France. They understand Spanish better and speak English too so it helps me out a lot. I think I really enjoy the work, the NGO has a consultative status with the UN which is so cool and works on collaborating with schools all over the world to promote peace and cooperation. So I will continue with this work and make the most of it! I am mostly translating documents but I think the exposure to these kinds of things is always interesting! We spent the weekend in Sevilla and it was amazing. I can picture myself living among the little cobble stone roads looking out on the river and soaking in the sun some day haha but I was glad to get back to the exciting city life of Madrid. We did see a great flamenco show and the people were so friendly, the accent is super interesting too. It would be an adventure to study in southern spain for sure.